Motherhood is not always glamorous, in fact, it's really, really hard. In our Getting Real on Motherhood blog series, we had a chance to talk candidly with some of our favourite mamas about the hardships, and wonders, of motherhood.
This week we sat down with Allie and Sam who welcomed their twin boys in the fall of 2022. Allie and Sam have been sharing their pregnancy journey each step of the way - from IVF to the birth of their two beautiful, healthy boys! In our second blog post of the series, the new mamas talk to us about their infertility experience and the issues they face as same-sex parents.
We hope this series will offer a safe space, without shame or judgment, for moms to get real and celebrate the idea of women showing up and doing their best.
The two of you welcomed your beautiful twin boys into this world in the fall of last year! Tell us how being new moms has changed your perception of motherhood.
We did! Our boys are now 7 months old, and it’s been such a fun experience watching them grow.
The most surprising thing to me about motherhood was actually how seamless of a transition it was for our family!
We often joke that nothing changed except having two more bodies in the house (we already had a full house of 7, now 9 with the pets!) I think it was a huge asset that we worked together in childcare settings before and had a lot of practice caring for children together - we already knew our strengths and weaknesses ahead of time!
I love parenting with Sam, it’s truly so awesome and I appreciate all she does! Motherhood is actually a lot better than I imagined - I was really afraid of losing myself and my hobbies, but if anything, I do more of my hobbies now, because I want the boys to fall in love with them too!!
You've courageously shared your fertility journey. For those facing similar experiences, what advice/words of encouragement would you tell them?
First of all, you are so strong. Fertility treatments were the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through - mentally, and financially, and for Sam, physically. It’s not easy.
My biggest piece of advice would be to embrace the unknowns and throw any dates you have in your mind out the window. We kept saying “by such-and-such a date we will be pregnant”, and then again when that didn’t happen, and so on and so on. Each date would pass and we’d be so disappointed. So, once I stopped doing that, things got a bit easier.
Also, advocating for yourself!
Your babies are so lucky to have two incredible moms! What are you most excited to teach them?
We both want to teach them to be kind, compassionate people and to respect humans and animals! I want to teach them music too, so I have some band mates - haha!
As a same-sex couple, do you feel extra societal pressures or expectations?
It’s really interesting being same-sex parents, especially when most of our friends are all heterosexual couples - so we don’t have the same experience as they do. I think in a way, I’ve felt less pressure to conform to certain roles, because we’re both women, though!
However, I often feel a lot of anxiety going out in public because we always get asked “who’s the mom?” You never know when you’ll encounter homophobia, so it can be really hard to know if it’s safe to answer honestly, while also wanting to help normalize all types of love and families. It makes me sad (and sometimes jealous of “typical looking” families) knowing we can’t fully be our real family in public, and knowing we will have to explain that to the boys one day.
Can you talk about the importance of community and support networks for mothers, especially for those who may not have traditional family structures?
It’s so important to me to have others to relate to and talk to! Many things in life can be lonely, and I think motherhood can be one of those things.
It’s so nice to be able to talk to other two-mom families or twin families because they just “get it”. It’s so nice to know you’re not alone!
We’re so thankful to Allie and Sam for sharing their beautiful story through this platform! Their boys are so lucky to have not one, but two, amazing moms to look up to! If you wish to follow along with Allie and Sam’s journey, you can find them at @allieandsam.
Stayed tuned for more blog posts from our Real On Motherhood series - coming soon!